he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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