I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
