I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
