This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
