You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
