we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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