I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
