i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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