i just wanna soil my oats bro
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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