You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
