did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize