It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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