Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if only i could text you this smell
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
