Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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