So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
