I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
