Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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