this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
