I got chris browned last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
