Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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