Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
