Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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