Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
