i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
