I must be too annoying 4 u.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
