Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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