she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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