I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
