I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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