home. puking in laundry basket.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
