Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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