life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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