I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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