I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
