He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
