she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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