She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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