I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
