I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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