Im at strip club and am horny
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
