I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
