I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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