so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
