New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
