Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
