Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
