I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
