hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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