Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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