sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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