Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize