all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
