im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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