bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
