We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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