I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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