6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
