And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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