I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
