Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
