In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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