Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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