Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
