By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
