Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
