we're blogging at a bar
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
