im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
