took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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