Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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