I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
