Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
