I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
