he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
