It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
