i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
