If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
