what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
