Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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