Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
