I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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