dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
